Gist and Testimony- The diary of a 30 year old single lady: Part 1

Welcome to this weeks edition of "Weekend Gist and Testimony" The hustle for husband became real after my youth service. All my girlfriends were either getting married or engaged. Those who are neither married nor engaged already have a man who they swear must marry them or…………………

One day I was in a bus when my eyes caught a church banner displayed along the road and it reads:

 *The return of his glory. Need a husband? Come and collect one.*

I quickly noted down the address and made up my mind to go the following day. The next day, I woke up very early so as to be the first to get to the church.* who knows how many girls that must have seen the banner huh? They might be writing names and picking numbers sef. Abeg make I rush  so that my number go be no 1* I mumbled. 

Just then my phone rang, it was my girlfriend Anita.* Hello babe wattsup? * " Anita how far na?" i asked impatiently

 

*I’m fine o; I’m on my way to your house now*

 

*Hei wait I’m going out o* i said quickly

*Where to?* she asked

*Somewhere* i replied curtly.

*OK, wait for me let me accompany you*

I quickly switched off my phone, wore my cloth and dashed out of the house, *this girl na monitoring spirit o, don’t worry by the time you get here, you will not see me, follow follow demon!

I rushed down to the church and met the pastor.*welcome sister, God bless you*

*Bless you too pastor, errmmm………….without wasting much time, I saw your banner along okpara avenue.*

*Yes..? He enthused

*So I’m here to grab my own husband*. I answered excitedly.

 The man became weak; he released a deep long breath. Me, I just siddon kampe dey watch am. No time for nonsense. After all na dem find me first.

*Sister  first of all, are you born again? He asked

*Gbam! I gave my life to Christ since 1999.* I answered sharply

*When was the last time you slept with a man?*

*Whaaaaat?*

*I mean do you commit fornication?* he queried.

Which kain question be all this eh?" i asked getting worked up.

 *It’s alright sister* he said calmly.

The pastor started flipping through his bible. Me, I was busy darting my eyes here and there trying to locate where they kept the husbands. I want to select Mr tall dark and handsome before it runs out of stock. No time for nonsense!

The pastor’s voice jolted me back to reality.*sister the bible said in the book of mathew…….. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and its righteousness, all other things shall be added unto you. ......Husband is not a problem.

*Really? Then dash me one, make I dey go. Time no dey!" i screamed

*OK, firstly you have to come for deliverance for seven days. Secondly, you have to become our member, attend all our services both morning and evening, thirdly………* 

I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood up angrily and lashed at him*see una life eh! I dey my own dey mind my business. Una carry husband matter come put for road, now give me the husband, na so so tori. If I swear for you, if I carry bad mind swear for you eh, your anointing go turn to annoyance, rubbish!

I picked my bag and stormed out. So much trouble for a husband biko!

Weekend gist and Testimony comes up every Saturday. it is a story of what a single lady passed through in search of a husband . it promises to be fun, hilarious and entertaining. Look out for episode 2 next week Saturday..

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