Gist and Testimony- The diary of a 30 year old single lady: Part 3

Welcome to this weeks edition of "Weekend Gist and Testimony." It was on a Sunday and I was in a church service. The sermon was very interesting as the pastor preached on faith. The part wey I hear well well was about husband lol. abeg no blame me na the thing wey dey give me sleepless night.

He said that if you are believing God for a husband, you should go and buy wedding gown or your husband's suit and begin to speak to it.

According to him faith is all about taking action, he said that people have testified about this.

Trust me na, I became excited, anytime the pastor prophesied * receive your miracle this year* I will shout *ameeeeeen* even when everyone else has stopped shouting amen. I shout sotay my voice cracked.

The next day being Monday, I was already at a bridal shop waiting for them to open. 

Immediately they opened, I dashed inside and started selecting wedding gown to the bewilderment of the shop attendant

.*Aunty please do you need wedding gown?* yes, yes* I replied. Okay wait outside let me sweep the shop, then you can come inside*ok no problem, no problem at all* i replied with excitement.

After the girl has finished sweeping, she ushered me in and we started selecting my choice and my size.

*Aunty when is the wedding?*

Mmmhh... In two month’s time

*Where is the wedding going to hold?*

* it’s going to hold at either Lagos or Abuja*

Ah!* The girl was astonished* but where is your husband based*

*Nne help me select a gown, when the I v comes out, I will bring one for you, you hear?*

* ok *she replied with a broad smile.

Finally, I made my choice, the gown was so beautiful and it fitted me perfectly. The girl fixed the veil and became my chief bridesmaid; I closed my eyes and started singing and dancing towards the altar where my husband is waiting for me. 

The girl was singing and dancing along with me. This husband wahala na universal wahala o! I think say na only me the thing wan comot craze.

*How much is the gown?*

*One hundred and fifty thousand*

*No problem, I will be here next weekend with my husband to pick it* i said with confidence *by then my husband for don locate me*. i thought to myself.

*Ok aunty remember to bring my iv o*

* No problem dear* the girl was already envying me. chai this world eh

.

I zoomed out of the shop before the girl could remember to ask me another  question. One hundred and fifty thousand for a wedding gown? Where I keep dat kain money, chai wetin I go do now huh, buying a suit is out of the question as men's suit can be expensive as well.

After thinking and searching for an alternative, I decide to buy a packet shirt.  I went to the market and bought a fine shirt. 

.

Immediately I reached my house, I put it in a hanger and began to speak to it, no wasting of time jare. *You my husband wherever you are appear by fire by thunder, appear! appear!!  appearrrrr!!!

Every morning, I will anoint the shirt prophesying  that I’m using the shirt as a point of contact to locate my husband. People were actually testifying that it worked for them and all that but as for me no show. *Na so my own  thing dey be* I muttered angrily.

 After three months no show.One day I became very annoyed with the shirt,  I  brought it down from the wardrobe,lay it on the bed and got a cane.

 I began to flog it shouting.*:Any woman holding my husband captive release him and die, release him and die, release him and die, die die die die!

 I was having a conviction that it must be a woman tying him down somewhere so I wanted to kill that evil woman. Nonsense*!