Thoughts and Encounters Uncategorized: When s&*t hits the fan, love’s the first to scram

Welcome to this week's episode of Thoughts and Encounters Uncategorized. This week we have a very interesting write up. 

One of the most brazen books i have skimmed through is titled “Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped Into the Romantic Dream–And How They’re Paying For It”. The words in the book are as brazen at its title. Here’s a sneak preview

“We don’t think “gold-digging” should be frowned upon. Why, we wonder does  society applaud a girl who falls for a guy’s “big blue eyes” yet denounces one who chooses a man with a “big green bankroll”? After all, isn’t earning power more a reflection of a man’s values and character?”

Really, that was the concept of the whole book; encourage women to be Gold diggers. The best most progressive  marriage according to the authors Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake was to marry the richest man you can find. Suffice to say, I was intrigued by their thesis. 

Well I am broke! So obviously i don’t agree with their thesis. How would I find the woman of my dreams if all women marry for money?

However, I began asking some questions about what we think marriage is and what exactly it is. One question that comes to my mind readily is “Do people marry because they are in love, or are in love to get married?” I think a lot of people if not all of us fit into the latter. Many of us already decided we are going to get married even before we find someone who loves us or we love. So Love doesn’t necessary come before marriage, to most; the decision to get married often comes before the Love.

Another question that comes to my mind is: “should we even be getting married because of love?” If you marry because you are in love isn’t it logical that you can divorce because you are convinced you are out-of-love? Does anyone truly believe that when two people are truly in love they will be in love forever?  People like to assume love has a universal definition, “ what I define as love is the same as what you define as love” We know that’s not true but we kind of accept it anyway. I’ve once met a lady who says she can’t love a man that can’t hit her when she’s wrong. “I know I’m very stubborn so i need strong hands” she said (I swear I’m not lying I couldn’t even make it up if i wanted to). 

My point is after a lady like that marries the woman beater because she thinks she needs strong hands; she becomes the wiser after 2 years of battering. Now she wants to leave her husband because he beats her! Forgetting that’s why she married him in the first place. 

Love is fickle! I dare say, what you love now and what you’ll love in 10 years will not be the same things, because what you love now and what you loved 10 years ago aren’t the same. As we grow our loves grows too, as we change our love changes also. 

I think the real problem with our marriages of today is people convince themselves that they are marrying because they are in love, this constant never ending love that just will grow from strength to strength. I’m sorry love, love would not keep you marriage when things get hard (trust me they will). In fact a cynic will say “when shit hits the fan, love’s the first  to scram”

The marriages of time past didn’t psych themselves up with romantic deceits. They married out of duty. They understood that marriage was a duty to themselves and their family and the larger society. Duty is a more cogent force than love or money can ever be. Duty is what keeps a couple who never see themselves before the day of their marriage but still stayed married all their lives. Duty is what makes soldiers fight to the death not  love. 

Research claims that the marriages least likely to fail in this time are religious marriages. I don’t think it’s because religious people are more capable of loving than non-religious people. I think it’s their profound duty to their faith. Total acceptance of their fate be it death or life, be it sickness or health, be it wealth or penury. 

My advice to you is not to marry because of love, don’t take Elizabeth and Daniela advice either don’t marry money because ultimately money is as fickle as love. Find something you are forever responsible for and marry because of it. it’s the only way your marriage can survive. I think

Author: Ifeoluwa Osho